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I was ‘ghosted’ and all my heart got was this lousy T-shirt

July 15, 2016 4 comments

So, a year ago today, I was “ghosted” by a man I loved and trusted and to whom I was engaged – hell, he actually moved across the country with me. That day in July 2015 – after buying $450 in concert tickets for me and my sisters to see the Eagles – Max left for work and never came back, never called, or texted or even said ‘goodbye’. It has taken a year, but I think I am finally out of the deep and almost paralyzing fog I was in after he disappeared. Without giving a person like that too much credit, I will say that while it takes a LOT to really shake me up, that did, big time.

What’s ghosted, you ask? Well, this article in the Huffington Post explains it the best:

“The term “ghosting“ (sometimes known as the “slow fade”) refers to the anecdotally pervasive act where one dater ends a relationship by simply disappearing. The ghost does not give an explanation of any sort, leaving the ghosted wondering where he or she went wrong. This phenomenon isn’t new, of course — prehistoric daters sat by their curly-corded phones waiting for their ghosts to call, and assumed that call must have come when he or she was out of the house. (The Discovery Channel has yet to confirm the anecdote, but current 20-somethings speculate as much.)”

I mean, who does that? Who just walks away without a word to the person he promised to marry, to love, to retire with, to spend the rest of his time on earth with? Who treats people like that? That kind of shit is life-changing…and not in a good way.

I didn’t see it coming, that’s for sure. And there’s no way to prepare for it anyway. One morning, you kiss your formerly significant other goodbye and go to work and the next day, you have to start right at 5:00 a.m. to figure out what the hell happened to your life.

Oh, I kept going…mostly. But when a woman who lost her father at age 11 and has had to deal with abandonment issues through a couple of different relationships and a marriage over the next 47 years actually IS abandoned, it’s not something she gets over in an hour. Or a day. Or maybe ever. At least that’s how it has felt for the last 365 days.

Then on Wednesday, I was sitting by the lake listening to a free concert and I found myself singing the words to John Denver’s “Country Roads”  – yes, Country Roads – for Lord’s sake. Out loud. Out of tune. And enjoying the experience. I thought about that all evening that night at home and came to the conclusion that I felt better. Lots better. As in “Max who?” better.

Lorraine, a friend at work who prays for me a lot, says that “letting go” is the best and most difficult thing we humans ever do. “Peggy,” she says. “How you gonna hold on to a ghost anyway? I mean, hell, girl!”

Annnyyyy-whooo, I think I’m good now. I really do. Which doesn’t mean that I am not still ticked as hell; I wouldn’t mind it a bit if any of my Seattle peeps “ran into” him and maybe, accidentally of course, kicked Casper’s ass. All in good fun, of course. All in good fun. 😉

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